Continuing Struggles...Faith Update

What a battle we have had with this one!! We continue on with the fight, just different feelings and different trials. We all have them!!

To start, Faith had some seizures today. Not just one, and not just small focal ones either. These were real, they were scary, they were draining to watch...

There is such a fine line...between faith and reality. I have said this before here. I am a real person who still has faith. We were at a bbq at a friends house. A lot of people from church were there enjoying the day and the fellowship. We noticed Faith was having a seizure when she was in the swing. So, I took her out and cuddled her, which is what we usually do. Easy to watch her breathing and make sure she is ok.

She seemed to have come out of the seizure and took a drink of water, holding the cup herself. She was a little out of it, as expected, but seemed ok. We put her back in the swing, and she was swinging away, just gently, and Pete was over there watching her. I was sitting back, but we could tell that she was having another seizure. So he took her out of the swing again.

She sat on his lap and it looked like the same kind of seizure as before, but it was lasting a bit longer. Then her tongue started to twitch, back and forth. This is not typical for her. We had not told the others in the house that Faith was having seizures. We thought it would be basic and she would be done. But then her mouth started to twitch, a friend told the people in the house and they started to pray for Faith.

They came outside and laid hands on her, praying for healing and strength for me and Pete. It felt great having so many people there and caring. I just kept watching her face.

I knew, at one point, that we really needed to get to the hospital. This wasn't her usual kind of seizure and it had now been going on for a while. This is where my struggle really came in...

Do we interrupt people praying, do we call 911, do we continue to pray harder? Do we, do we, do we??? I really struggled. If we phone 911 are we cutting our faith short? If we don't phone 911 and something bad happens, have we let our child down? I really haven't felt that before. I really struggled. I know that I always say...I have faith, and I am also a real person...but I never felt like that before.

Thank goodness a friend was watching me, and I think she knew what I was thinking/feeling...I looked at her and said we need to call 911. She did.

In the end, Faith had 1 focal seizure, 1 grand mal seizure in the yard, and 1 grand mal seizure started in the ambulance. She received an anti convulsant en route to the hospital. It did not have a sedating effect on her, which we had expected...instead, she fought all the nurses and doctors with the needles, the bloodwork, the IV, the monitor leads etc...she kicked me and pinched me, she tried biting the blood pressure cuff off. She also tried biting the IV tubes out of her arms. She was just a fireball. She ended up having a small case of Todds Paralysis. She would smile with only the left side of her mouth. We will see tomorrow how that is and if it has corrected itself.

She finally crashed and hasn't really woken up since.

We have decided that this is not what we want for our family. The uncertainty of where and when, the emotional rollercoasters that everyone ends up on and the ride never stops...

We had her half loaded with phenobarbital and we start her regular doses tomorrow. She is now on medication. I question whether we have made the right choice or not. Are we doing this just because we don't want to deal with the seizures? Are we doing it because it is right for her? Are we being selfish by not standing firm in faith for her healing? Are we letting her down? Are we letting our family down? What kind of an example are we being? I don't know, I am frustrated, I am down, I feel like that heavy iron has landed on me.

The difference is, I know I can get back up and I know that I will get back up...I know that I can trust, I know that we are more then conquerers...we have Jehova Nissi (I do listen in church;-).

Thanks for everyone who talked to and prayed with my kids, who was willing to step in when help was needed, for everyone who prayed for Faith and for me and Pete.

THANK YOU!! You make the difference in our lives!!

Weight Loss - My struggles...

Before I had kids I was a small 117 pounds, when wet. I was pregnant by 18, and gained 70 pounds during the pregnancy and lost nothing afterwards. Each subsequent pregnancy afterwards, I didn't gain as much, but never lost anything after. I am working on losing weight and have started a program that I found online, that I think looks ok to try out.

It is a weightloss program with a Christian perspective. It is 60 days and each day there is a devotional that you do and submit. A mentor will work with you the entire time and encourage and pray with you for whatever needs you may have. It is at Setting Captives Free. They have courses there for everything. But, I have not checked them all out to see if they are sound or not.

Anyhow, I have started this program before, but ended up getting pregnant and had to stop. Since I don't have anymore baby plans, I am going to start it again. There is an eating plan that goes along with it where 2 days a week you cut your regular portion in half, 2 days you eat normal, without overeating, 2 days are liquid days, 1 solid meal and the rest is liquid, and 1 day is a fast day. When I did it before in 3 weeks I lost 15lbs, so I am hoping it goes well again...

I have been stuck between 200 and 210...it depends if I had those chips or not that day...like today I woke up and I am 205...I was down at 199 for a while, but just got stuck....so, I am hoping that this program will give me a bit more accountability and one of my friends is starting it as well, so we can work together...

Not bad, for a free online program, really. What has worked for others? What didn't work for you? I am curious to see if this will work or not, and if I can really keep the momentum going this time!!

We are off to Fiaths eye appointment today. This is the one where they make the final decision about surgery and we really have no idea which way they are going to go...sometimes we see her eyes are perfectly straight and you can't tell that she has a problem at all...and other times they are nowhere near being straight. We have been using the glasses, when we remember, and patching for an hour a day as well...but in the grand scheme of things, we are thinking that eye surgery is such a minor surgery and if it will better her future, then why wouldn't we do it...

Gonna run now. Have a great day!!