What a 9 Year Old Can Teach Us Adults!

I have been on both sides of the coin.

I have been the parent who has judged other parents too quickly, I have also been the parent who is judged now.

So thankful!!

We are still in the hospital right now. I am so thankful for the little lessons that come out of times like this. I this it is so important that we, as humans, be willing to look past the grey, gloomy skies and see what can be learned when tough times strike.

I have really struggled this time round and have come to the conclusion that there is an awesome lesson for me to gain.

What really happened...On Wednesday we went to our playgroup in the morning. Everything seemed fairly normal, Faith was a wee bit cuddlier then normal, but we all have those days, right?

We got home afterwards, and I noticed that she had a bit of a fever. I looked for our fever reducer, but couldn't find it anywhere and I couldn't get to the store to buy any, so I gave her some cold meds, thinking it may help a bit, and it did. She wasn't as hot anymore.

Then it hit me...you know, that mommy instinct? That little voice, that God nudge...I have had it before, when I knew it was time to give up homeschooling/Sunday school/etc...whatever you want to call it.

I really debated about whether I should go to placement or not. I felt guilty if I went and something happened, but if I didn't go and nothing happened I would lose 8 hours of my placement, that I would have to make up. How selfish of me??!! That was how I felt when I left to go in.

But, because I had this instinct, I did listen a bit. I felt that it was not going to be a good day and I called for Pete to come home early. He made arrangements to be home shortly after I left. 10 minutes after he walked in, Faith had her first seizure. It was about 4 minutes and then she was fine. She then went on to have more seizures. I haven't spoken to Pete long enough to know if it was 3 or 4, but in order for them to stop she was double dosed with ativan.

I received a page at work and knew immediately what had happened. I left and headed to the hospital. When I got there, I told the nurse that I felt so bad, how could I have chosen to go to work knowing that my gut told me to stay home...I give all those working moms kudos...I honestly think they are very strong to be able to separate those lives!

Faith started to wake up from the sedation and it was like we had an infant all over again. It also looked like she was seizing again, but they said that was just the ativan... I had to hold her head up for her when she wanted to sit, and there was no way she was opening her eyes. They did chest xrays, bloodwork, and a catheter urine sample (that I got to help hold her for...didn't freak me out!!) all of which came back normal.

They decided to keep her overnight to monitor her recovery. So, we made whatever arrangements needed to be made. I chose to stay overnight the first night and Pete took the day off work the next day. So, he came back when the kids went to school and I went to work that night. Came back after work and Pete went home...it is such a juggling act!!

On Thursday, Faith was no better then the night before, really. She still couldn't hold up her own head very well, and her eyes were only able to open a little bit. She was drooling. It reminded me of those old movies, I have no idea which one...but the patients in the hospital are all drugged and they are in some kind of catatonic state? That was what we watched...

She started with another fever on Thursday afternoon, but it had gone by the time I got there at midnight. Every hour she is checked for temperature, her IV machine is reset and she cuddles with the nurses and child life workers. She has melted them all here, as per usual! We sleep in the chair bed together, because it makes me feel better:-) But I know that way we both get our sleep. The nurses seem to be ok with that, and they just check her when she is laying on me...

Today she has improved a lot. She is up and walking and playing with the slew of toys they have brought for her. She has been given a knitted blanket, hat and slippers, a bear and a giraffe...we will need a suitcase to go home!!

While on our morning wagon ride, I noticed that she was doing some tongue chewing. I have never seen her do that before, so I asked the nurse and they just documented it. Faith responded when I called her as she was doing it, but it still may have been some form of seizure activity. Her seizures are mainly facial now...she has also been running a low-grade fever all day and is being watched closely there.

I have one small concern and I hope it is still part of the recovery. Her mood swings seem to have heightened. She goes from being happy and cuddly to a whole other child. Screaming, crying...she was like this before, but it just seems to be a little moreso then before. We will have to keep an eye on it.

That is her update. Now, the title...So Thankful...what is that about?

I am not sadistic, I am not thankful that my child got sick. I am, however, thankful that I have learned how I like to have control. And I am thankful that I realized this and am willing to give that up, and willing to trust my husband more. I don't think I am alone as a mom here. I always feel that I know better for my kids...and that just isn't true. I was able to go into work last night and not worry about Faith. I knew she was in good hands with her daddy. I will possibly go home tonight and let Pete stay here, because I know that I can trust him and not worry.

I feel like I have taken so long to get here. I always knew that I was so blessed with an amazing husband, but I think I never really realized exactly what I had, until we were in this position. I really am thankful for him. I and our kids are blessed to have him in our lives!!

I am gonna run now, see if I can get some work done. Will update again later, when we hear from the doc.

Time, Talents and Treasures...

It is interesting when things happen to us, how we handle them. What questions do we ask? How do we react? How do we feel? How do others view us?

I have found, over the last 3 weeks (yes, Faith is almost 3 weeks old now!! How fast time flies!) that there are so many lessons that I have learned. Some are more subtle and seem small (though they really aren't) and some just jump out at me. This is what jumped at me last night.

We had a meeting with the dr's yesterday. It was a good meeting in my eyes, compared to what we had been going through in the past (2 weeks ago). This meeting was more about where we go from here and how soon we can get Faith home. Like I said, a good meeting.

Faith's occuptaional therapist had talked about her sucking ability, or lack of it. This is the only thing that is keeping her in the hospital now. Everything else is a go and she has improved so much, but she needs to be able to show that she can orally feed. The OT is working with Faith on a daily basis to teach her how, but it is going to be a long process. We don't want her in the hospital for another long stay...so, the dr told us our options. Yup, more decisions...

We could have her home within 2 weeks, but she would need a feeding tube (G-Tube) surgically put into her stomach. We would take her home with a pump and would learn how to use that. This was explained as a backup for Fatih. We would continue to work with her, orally and only use the tube if she is not co-operating with the bottle feeds (or nursing).

So, on the way home, Pete and I talked about the risks involved and how we felt about this new development. At first, the thoughts of 'one tube out, one tube in' came to us and it didn't feel like any progress was going to be made. But, this came to me and I wanted to share it with you all...

The Parable of the Talents, I have never heard this parable used in this way, but it really made sense to me and Pete, when I shared it with him in the car. Here is the parable...

Matthew 25
The Parable of the Talents
14"Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. 15To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. 17So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. 18But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
19"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'
21"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
22"The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'
23"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
24"Then the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'
26"His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.
28" 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. 29For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. 30And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

I have heard this parable taught alongside investing our time and talents and treasures...but never has it hit home like it did last night.

We are given these children...they are not ours, technically, we are just here as a pit stop between being born and being sent. Our kids are here to be trained up in the ways that they should go...when they are older, we let them go and they impact the world in great ways...this is our hope and should be any parents hope. Even though I don't want to let them go, and I would hope that they will want to still know us and enjoy being with us when they are grown, we still, ultimately need to let them go.

So, they are given to us, like the talents in the parable above. Some kids may be 100% healthy but just be a little different, some kids may have more pronounced problems but that doesn't make them any less, it is what we, as parents choose to do with what we have. If Faith comes home with a feeding tube, and that is what she is going to need for the rest of her life, then how are we going to handle that? Are we going to hide her away, dig a hole and bury her (not literally) but 'protect' her from the world and the world from her? Or are we going to invest our time and our love and our hearts and our energy into her life and show her that she is going to go BIG!! That she is going to be able to accomplish many great works...

Feeding tube or not, disability or not, 'normal' or not (and who determines what is 'normal'??) our kids are going to impact the world in many ways, we don't know how right now and we won't until they are out there...but we can definitely mould them and shape them and invest in them...then we will see what the world will reap from their lives as the story continues to be written...

So, what are you teaching your kids? Don't bury them and hide them to protect them from the world, work with them and show them how they can change the world instead. Invest your time in them, show them that they are important and be ready to send them whenever they are called...

I hope this makes sense, it is just one of many lessons that I have learned over the past few weeks...see? Faith is already impacting her mom's life!!