Friday, May 26, 2006

Tough day for me...

Thanks to everyone who posted a comment on the last post. I know that my kids love Sunday school and I love them going. I truly enjoy the break...what mom wouldn't? LOL

Mr. Hockey, my 10 y/o loves to sit in service. He is the kind of kid who is happy sitting anywhere. And you know, he takes the most awesome notes I have seen. He really listens and is able to write down most of it (and I was worried about a learning disability!!) But he also loves to be in Sunday school too, whether he is helping or learning. Princess loves Sunday school and would be mortified if I made her "give it up". Then we have Cutie Pie. She seems to like it as well. Pooky, I am not sure how we are going to deal with her...but that is another post!!

I just tend to go through different stages at different times in my life. It is like I am constanly reflecting and noticing whether our decisions are right or not. I know that each of my kids are different and things may work differently for them too.

It is good to reflect on your lives I think. God has blessed us with these precious treasures and I just don't want to screw them up. I want my kids to grow strong in Him and I want them to be in tune with Him. I would rather them learn it at this age then at my age, like I am now.

I loved going to Sunday school as a kid and then I loved helping in the rooms as a young teen. I was in Crusaders (is that still around anymore?) and Pioneer Girls. We went to youth groups and almost all the church events.

I think for me, though too is that some of it has to do with fear. I see where I went with my life and I don't want that for my kids. I know they will have to make their own choices, but I am scared that if I don't do the right thing now, they will stray as I did.

I am back now. I went through a ton of heartache physically, spiritually, every way. I had a lot of crappy baggage to ditch and hand over. I still have different issues that keep popping up, to this day. I notice it a lot when it comes to my kids. I went to church for the social aspect and because so long as I was living at home, it was required. I went with the wrong expectations and lived up to the facade that I put on for everyone. I became friends with all the wrong kids and got in lots of trouble...

So, here is a fear in me that I need to get rid of now. My kids are going to make their own choices and I need to pray over them now, that they will always make the right ones (or at least learn from the wrong ones).

Then after figuring how to deal with this, I was talking to a friend on the phone about another issue that I have. I have a really hard time talking and introducing myself to new people. I am shy, it has always been my excuse. I have a hard time building lasting, open, honest relationships with people because I always expect them to leave at some point. I had a hard time keeping friends as a child and just learned to be a loner and keep low expectaions. Then I wouldn't be let down.


So, I was saying that I really would like to call someone in the church and invite them over for dinner or lunch or something and then I said something that I can't believe I said out loud. I said that I was embarassed of my house. Don't get me wrong, ok, I love the fact that we co-own a house with our bank (had to put that in there!!) But we have lived here for 7 years and it hasn't really felt like a "home" but moreso a mess...(I really need to work on the whole organizing thing)

My friend says...that I have to deal with my PRIDE!! What, I have none of that (total sarcasm there!!)

But, you know, that is it. I feel embarassed that our place isn't as nice as others, I feel that we can't keep up with anyone else. My pride I guess is getting in the way of letting others into my life.

Whew, for sure.

So, today I learned some things that I need to deal with I guess. Didn't know this post was going to turn into an oil spill...but I guess it needed to come out.

I am going to publish this...but I don't know if it will stay up long or not. Remember my on much info is too much??LOL


  1. everbody got's their tough day, and when they past it, their faith will grow. Hope you'll get better

  2. It's not TMI - it's been volnerable and that is ok. The next step is asking for help and accountability.

    It's good! You're doing real good!

  3. my spelling sucks, never type with a 9 months on your lap... to difficult!

    ... being vulnerable

    other good things to be: transparent; humble; REAL!!!!

  4. Sometimes it's not easy to hear the truth sometimes. Had some of that to hear myself from God earlier on in the week. Hang in there. And no matter what happens to the children you have given then a fantastic start to their own faith journey. But in the end they have to accept or decline God for themselves, that's the really hard bit! My eldest two have accepted God though one has wandered away, but I know that God won't let him wander too far.
    love Susan

  5. I feel that same about my House. But I see a lot of "show" houses where you can not stand here or there etc and yet there is not family feeling/spirit there. I look at it the other way round I have plenty of time to sort out my house (over 100 years old... lots of building needed) once my family has grown. It is clean (on the whole) but more importnatly it is Happy and a Home. My 13 yr old is having a similar dilema about bringing her friends home here... she goes to a school where her friends have big "show homes" but my question is "is there love there?"

    Have a good day and look after yourself

  6. I love that you shared so much! it is good to share our is what makes us human and approachable!

    I get embarrased about my house too, when people who live in really really nice houses come over or they are ones who can put together a know the ones where EVERYTHING matches and goes together...on purpose!!! I have never had that....just lots of hand-me-downs and overloading on furniture to house all my pack-rat ways!!!! one time I was having the ladies from church over and I was cleaning and cleaning and stressing about it being perfect and I felt the Lord asking me who I was cleaning it for? and that there were women coming who needed to see the real me and how my house is a normal place and not perfect!! clean but not perfect!! cuz that's me!

  7. Obviously I'd already popped over here, but this time I'm leaving a comment. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

    I know what you mean about projects not getting finished. Drives me crazy! But you look like you're close to reaching the end, so press on!

    And...I would keep the trim around the windows white. It sets off the woodwork. :)

  8. Also wanted to say...

    Yes, sometimes it's pride. But sometimes it's that we are so disorganized that we're literally embarrassed by the mess that is our homes.

    I'm a big Flylady fan myself -- she seriously changed my life.

    You may want to check her out!