Friday, February 05, 2010

The Bullying Dilemma...

I homeschooled for 6 years, Mr Hockey and Princess started school in Grades 7 and grade 3/4 and Cutie Pie started in Grade 1. This year I wanted to homeschool Cutie Pie, but really struggled with all the "life" things on my plate. So, she went to school 2 weeks into the year.

Last year, there was a boy in Cutie Pies class who would constantly chase her and try to kiss her. She was not ok with it and the teacher handled the situation fairly well. I believe it did stop, mostly, during the year and all was well.

This year, Cutie Pie ended up in the same class as this little boy again. Now I wish I had of spoken up in the beginning and had her or him switched.

Yesterday we got a call from the teacher informing us that Cutie Pie was being "tormented" by this little boy. To the point that she stood outside the classroom yesterday, in tears, scared to go into class...oh my goodness!! He has been hitting her, pushing her and spit in her face yesterday. I am so happy that Cutie Pie is confident enough to let someone know. I want to deal with this boy myself!!

I phoned this morning and talked with the teacher a little more in depth. She had given him a warning and then when that didn't work, she phoned his mom, who was not home...she told me that she was going to be letting the office know about what has been happening and if it started again she would be sending him to the office. They would deal with it and potentially he will be suspended if it doesn't stop.

The mommy in me wants to pull her out of school and homeschool her again. I want to protect her at all costs!! There is this joke that I heard through the homeschool community all those years...about socialization...That if we, as homeschoolers, wanted to socialize our kids the way they are socialized at school, we will just take them into the bathroom at lunchtime and tease them and take their lunch money...funny? Well, now that is a reality for my kid in the school system...

Apparently the teacher thinks that it is starting during the walk from breakfast club to school, and suggested that Princess take Cutie Pie under her wing a bit and keep her away from the boys...we will see how that pans out. I could keep them home from breakfast club, but don't think it is fair, or right, to teach the kids that when there is a bully situation we need to run away from it. We shouldn't have to be the ones to change...

Which leads me to my other thought. I really wanted to suggest to the teacher that these 2 be separated during class time. Even having one of them moved to the other grade 3 class. But, I don't want my kid to have to change...she should not have to be penalized for someone elses actions...

Which is why I probably won't pull her out of school again...unless it becomes obscenely unbearable (like my big words? That is how you know I am upset!!)

I hope that this boys mom takes this seriously. The rest of his life, and how he will behave, is dependant on how this situation is handled at home...that is what I believe anyways...I know his mom is a single mom and they have a younger child (toddler) and I think it would be an eye opener to have to find care for him while he is suspended...maybe that is what it will take?

I am planning on going to the school this afternoon to walk Cutie Pie home...should I talk to this kid in my "mom" voice? Do you think that I should encourage Cutie Pie to walk away from him and say things like - I am not allowed to play with bullies? Do you think this will put a target on her back even more? I don't know what to tell her to do...there is only so long that you can ignore it...I plan to follow up with the teacher next week to see how things are going, and what has changed or not changed...

I am just kind of stuck on suggesting the right thing to have other people dealt with it? She is such a sweet kid, and has the worlds biggest breaks mine to see her hurting like this...


  1. I never ran into this problem when my boys were in school, so I'm not sure that I can offer you any advise. I do think that I will pass this one along and see if there is anyone else out there that can give you some advise.
    Great blog article.

  2. As I said before, nobody looks out for our kids like we do. It's good that Princess is there to protect cutie pie - she's not alone and Princess is an "older kid". I don't take bullying lightly. The problem is, the kid may be told not to bully but he can certainly do it when the teacher is not looking, like out in the playground, etc. My boss' kid was bullied and despite numerous discussions with the Principal, he finally had to pull his kid from school and is now home schooling. I don't think that is a solution. I'd push the issue with having a meeting with the Principal to "discuss" the school's bullying policy. This would put the sense of urgency in the teacher, if she's too busy to deal with it. Of course, we never want to make the teacher upset that we "don't trust" her. So, I'd play the "really worried" mom and request for a meeting with the Principal, with words like "trust the teacher", but "I'm so worried" - you know the drill. I wasn't really "joking" when I said "befriend the kid's mom". If I find that the mom have no influence over the child, then it's WAR. Otherwise, it may be more effective to talk directly with the mom - in addition to talking to the Principal. Or just have Cutie Pie punch his lights out like I know she can!! (OK that last statement was not very "turn the other cheek" type statement - sorry - i had to vent).

  3. Hi, From what I understand, little boys do such things when they like a little girl, hitting and so on. Would have been a good thing to know when I was a little girl.

    However, you may want to check this Anti-Bullying Campaign Guide out here:

    Hope that helps...

  4. my oldest was bullied in grade 6 but it was by other girls, I think it is a bit different when it is a cross-gender bully, at least that is what I hear. I have a friend who's daughter is being tormented by a boy in her grade and it is turning into an aweful turns out the boys mom is a bully herself! I tend to think it is learned behaviour and the child who is the bully is most likely being bullied him/herself. I know it sounds cliche but praying for him and having your precious one start to pray for him to and walking her through forgiveness can lead to some powerful stuff....if not in the little boys life it will be in hers!

  5. I'd just send her to school with a 2 by 4 and let him have it!
    (ok, you know I'm joking about it)
    Seriously, I agree that you guys shouldn't have to make the changes. Doesn't the school have a zero tolerance rule?