I have been down today, not sad, not mad, not depressed...just feeling down.
Saturday was a good day. Sunday was an ok day. We are at a season right now where Faith just isn't able to stay in the Sunday school classroom, and with the transition with the church, I can't just leave her in there to cry/bite/scream/hit etc...it is too much for the teachers.
So, we wandered around the building on Sunday morning, and when she got loud we stood in the vestibule...the weather is getting nice, so at least we will be able to take her outside when she isn't being cooperative. It is our season. I know it is. I know seasons come and go and in the end this is just a minute issue in our life, but I guess I just get thinking too much and wonder if Faith will ever fit into one of our Sunday school classes...
Then she was bugging her sister and I noticed that her head was tremoring. I don't know how else to explain it, really, but she was conscious and her head was shaking uncontrollably. Not normal. Then she fell asleep and woke up in a focal seizure. It wasn't long (I was on the phone with my best friend and as soon as I said seizure she started praying:-), but it just keeps bringing it back to my attention that Faith is different, and this is still happening.
Today we had a nice day. Faith is really low key, she is cooperative, but really just not herself. We headed out to an appointment for a PT and OT checkup and I was having a hard time explaining what we need from them. PT is pretty much done. Faith has some amazing gross motor skills, she won't be an athlete, she still has some stuff to work on, but she is doing great. Talked with OT about some self injurious behaviour we have been noticing and the anger/violent behaviour she has towards siblings and now moving to other kids (if she doesn't get her way). I was encouraged to know that we are dealing with it all the right way, so we aren't screwing her up anymore by making it worse.
We talked about school. I am really not sure how I feel about it all. If she gets into the therapy school, I have no problem with her going. If she does not get in there, I have no idea. Kindergarten in Ontario has become a play based learning area. The kids self direct through various stations and learn what is expected when leaving one to move on. It is great for Hope (who is in the process of being diagnosed, with what the psychiatrist is saying, ADHD) because she flits around from place to place. But for Faith that is not going to work.
Unless she has a support worker with her she doesn't know how to self direct. She becomes overwhelmed with all the options and generally goes into behavioural mode and starts to lash out. So, this wonderful system that is put in place is not going to be a good fit for my kid.
Then we have the whole issue, that we are facing now with Hope. Moving from SK to Grade 1. How do they expect these kids to transition to a "sitting" class from a "play based" class?
Anyhow, I was just feeling like everything is being dumped on us and we are just having such a hard time getting out of this hole...it is never ending.
Then I heard this song. I can't even put words to the emotions I felt as I was sitting in my driveway, after our therapist appointments, listening to this song. I couldn't move. I was frozen in place in tears listening to my life played out in a song!!
Like I said: