Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I am still here:-)

I have to find the balance between reviews, giveaways and regular life/complaining/journaling etc...on my blog.  I know that I have been heading in a new direction here and I really do love it, I just want to remember why I started blogging and that was to store our family memories somewhere...and for me to work through our lives too...because I really am a writer and this is how things get worked out best of all.

So, today was a day.  It was a blah day with some sunshine (the real stuff) added in.  It was also a bit of an awakening day for me.  It was one of those days where you realize how you need to handle life...

This morning, Faith had another significant seizure...I have my faith, and I believe in God, which means I also believe that there is a devil and bad things happen.  Sometimes with no explanation, they just happen.

I found out at work, before leaving to come home.  I had kind of felt like she was going to have a seizure yesterday, those mommy feelings take over sometimes and I really was expecting one yesterday.  Today, she had it, it wasn't longer then 5 minutes, but it was still significant.  She slept until noon, so it was big enough to knock her out.

On my way home from work, I was talking with my mom.  I had made a statement and it made me feel really bad. Awkward. Like a bad mom.  Like I was selfish.  And then I realized it.  Sometimes in life we need to be selfish.

I wholeheartedly believe that her seizures are acting up because my husband and I are planning on going on vacation.  By ourselves.  We are going to strengthen our relationship.  We are going to spend time outside of being parents.  We are going to have fun.  We are going and we are planning on not worrying about anything.

I had said that we DID NOT want to be called at the resort, while we were gone, unless Faith was having to stay in the hospital for longer then 1 night.  I sounded harsh.  I sounded selfish!!  How dare I NOT want to know if there was something going on.

BUT...

I have come to realize that as long as we worry about health, as long as we worry about life here, as long as we are focussing on so many other things, we are not focusing on us remaining strong.  Without strong parents, who do our kids have to run to when they need help?

So, we are going to be selfish and we don't want to hear anything bad, until we arrive home...well, maybe even a day after we arrive home. 

It is time for us!!  I can't wait!!  12 more days!!

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