Thursday, November 18, 2010

Something said in church, that hasn't been preached yet...

It has really stuck with me, and I am thinking about how one little phrase can rearrange my whole parenting philosphy...

Our pastor was talking about the 3 B's of church membership - bums, bucks and something else...then he made reference to another set of 3 B's:

Belong
Believe
Behave

And that is it...those 3 words have caused me to re-evaluate my whole concept of parenting.  It has made me aware of some things that I will need to change.  It has brought me to a clearer understanding of my own children...and even of myself.

3 words...he hasn't even preached on this yet!!

BELONG

Our parenting style has always been a flexible one.  What works for one won't always work for another, so we revamp everything.  I keep patting myself on the back (and hubby too) because even though we think we have screwed up somewhere with our kids, they show us that we have actually done something right.

I can't necessarily say what it is, but our ultimate goal in parenting is to train our kids up to send them away...sounds weird, I know.  I want my kids to impact the world, I want them to make a difference.  I want them to WANT to do missions, and give of themselves.

Mr. H has gone on 2 trips so far, planning and preparing for his 3rd.  Princess is planning on going on her first one in 2011.  I am glad that we have been able to instill this attitude and desire into our children.

The older 2, I believe, have a sense of belonging in our family.  They are the oldest, they are the ones who help out the most.  They have responsibility and they just know that they Belong.  I think that is why, for the most part, we don't see a lot of those "teen" issues that sometimes arise.  I have always said that I am raising adults, not kids.  I am trainging future husband/dad and wives/moms.  It gives a different view in how you respond and direct them.

Then the next 3 kids come along.  We really struggle(d) with parenting after the loss of our daughter, Angel.  I was 32 weeks along when she passed.  She was "born into Gods hand".  We had to bury her, we had a service for her...we even had the "funeral" get together after the burial.  It was a tragic moment in our life.

Parenting the next 2 after the loss was a whole different thing.  We can't take back what we have done, we can't change the past.  I think they know that they belong...in a certain way.  We were a little more lenient, our choices were a little more relaxed, we were just thankful that we had completed 2 more pregnancies...and that will never change.  I think though, that we may have cause some of the issues that we see rising up in our house.

Then came Faith - well, she has special needs, you know...we can't treat her the same (there is my sarcasm coming out online;-) 

It is really hard to navigate these unknown territories, these still new to us seas. 

We need to think of ways to show these last 3 kids that they BELONG!!  And that they can BELIEVE that they belong.  We are dealing with listening issues, respect issues, behavioural issues and we just aren't dealing with them in the right way...

Something that the pastor said, along with these 3 words, I originally had a hard time with.  He said - ignore the behaviour if they don't believe they belong somewhere...I thought, WHAT???  Are you CRAZY!?!?! How can we ignore the behaviour, these kids need to learn that they are making bad choices...but then I got to thinking...

Ah, they need to belong, like my older 2, they need to see that we can't function without them.  They need to know that not only are they special to us, but they are special to God as well.  We chose them, God chose them, God chose US to raise THEM!!  They need to belong...

How do you make your kids feel that they belong?

I get it...tomorrow - look for Believe:-)

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