Thursday, March 26, 2015

Believe, Belong, Behave - From a Broken Family Perspective

Our family has been broken.  For almost 3 years now. I am finally acknowledging this.

We are struggling to figure out how to piece our puzzle back together now.  Each of us is a piece and some days we seem to not fit together perfectly.  It has been a sad, emotional, and upsetting journey for us to travel.  We have fought, cried, screamed, almost given up and fought even harder.

I thought that I could deal with this on my own.  I am the mom, I should know how to put together this puzzle that is our family.  I should be able to know my kids, know where and how we all fit together and everything should just be bliss.

I realize now, that I can't do this on my own.

I heard in church, once upon a time, a sermon that talked about believing, belonging and in the end, the behaviour will line up as well.  I honestly don't remember exactly what it was referring to or what the actual context was, but I have owned this now, as it relates to my broken family.

Some people know the struggles that we have been through, that we continue to go through, and I don't even want to think about what struggles will have in store for the future.  These are not struggles that I share publicly, or even with all those in my circle of support, but I do share and will now share here, about how we are navigating these new waters.

We have 6 people living in our house.  This is us.  We have all worked hard, sacrificed plenty and continue to contribute as much as possible to get to where we are.  6 people = 6 personalities.

6 personalities that don't mesh well, a lot of the time.  Something that has popped back into my mind is the phrase, "BELIEVE, BELONG, BEHAVE.

For me, it means that if we BELIEVE that we BELONG we are more likely to BEHAVE.

This year has started very difficult. The past 2 years, I think we were all still numb and trying to figure out where we fit, this year seems to be the biggest struggle.  Is it that we are all getting older? Is it that we have accepted where we are?  Is it that we have lost hope?  I have no answers to that.  It is just where we are.

Since the beginning of the year I have dealt with accepting the abuse that was in the past.  I have realized the ways that I had been manipulated. I have had complete emotional breakdowns.  I feel like I am still growing, still learning how to express my thoughts, still working on understanding how I arrived to this destination.

But, I have also recognized that this is so much more then just me.  I always knew that the kids were going to be affected, but my thinking was wrong.  I have always thought that kids are resilient.  They will bounce back...they do, right?  Not anymore.  I am wondering if this situation, which is not ideal, has finally set in and they realize that it is not going to be "FIXED".  There is no more "HOPE" for our family becoming whole again.  If I have struggled so much, I am now realizing how much more they are struggling.

Everyone deals with sibling rivalry - and if you don't, then you absolutely need to share your magic secret, cause you could make millions!

However, we have grown stronger.  We have more openness, the freedom to fight and love again, the freedom to have a voice, and this is where I am now struggling with how to handle all this freedom when voicing opinions, thoughts, frustrations etc...

One of my children has voiced very concerning comments, we have begun counseling because of the comments as well as the acknowledgement of abuse.  We are learning to navigate through those waters now too.

But, my realization is that we are a puzzle, our family is a puzzle that is in a box.  It only has 6 pieces, should be simple to piece them all together, right?

What I am learning is that while 2 pieces may fit together and another 2 may fit together, all 6 are not connecting.  It is like the little knobby piece from one has been damaged so greatly that it just will not connect.

I have tried to push it in.  I have tried to bend it back into shape.  I have tried to gently rub the edges back into position.  It's not working.  The puzzle piece doesn't BELIEVE that it BELONGS.

It is that realization that someone who we love, who we cherish, who is so much a part of us, doesn't believe that they belong, that has me trying to come up with new ways to mold this piece back into shape.

I know this is just for a time.  I know that we will get through, we always do.  A diamond doesn't just become a diamond instantly, the fire and the process it was brings it to its glory.

We are at a pivotal place in our story and I pray that I am making the right choices and setting the right examples.  I pray that these puzzle pieces can see that they belong, no matter what.  I pray that we can put our puzzle together in such a way that it never falls apart again.

To put the puzzle together

Respect, Honour and Give Life to each other


Do you have a Family Statement?  This is something that I will be hanging in our house as a reminder to all of us.


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