What Scares You?

Thursday night, Pete and I made a comment about how Faith was a little off.  We didn't know what it was, but we both agreed that we felt like she was going to have a seizure.  I often have this feeling before a seizure, it is my mommy radar/God feeling.  I know it well, and I am almost always right on with it.

About 12:39am, I started to feel Faiths leg twitching, and when I looked over, she was in a full seizure.  I'm talking, big, full body, face, drooling etc.  It had been almost 10 minutes, so we found the Lorazepam (Ativan) and I administered it rectally, because that usually stops the seizure immediately.

Well, the seizure stopped for about 2 minutes, then she went right back in.  She was snoring and her eyes were open and were twitching.  We waited a few more minutes, then decided we needed to call 911, instead of administering another ativan.  

The abulance arrived and things did not go as they usually do.  The medics came in and scooped her up immediately, and went straight to the ambulance with her.  They called another ambulance and the next 2 medics went into the ambulance, so there were 4 people working on her.  It was kind of surreal, as parents, to be standing on the side of the road...not knowing what was going on, watching the busyness going on inside the ambulance. 

After about 10 minutes I was allowed in, without them really saying anything about what was going on, and we headed to the hospital.  They even cut her shirt off!! (Which was one of her big sisters shirts...oh well!!)

She was having random movements, was hooked up to the ekg machine, had an iv in her arm and had been given a shot of Medazalam (another sedative), had an oxygen mask on and were suctioning her secretions on and off all the way there.  We arrived at the hospital to 11 professionals meeting us in our room.  The doctor, 4 nurses and 6 paramedics. 

It never happens like this. 

We were told the seizure lasted a total of approximately 35 minutes, and it was a few minutes after they administered the medazalam before the seizure stopped. 

They did a catheter urine sample, more bloodwork, an xray, and monitored her vitals for the next 3 hours.  She was being watched for another seizure.

The tests all came back normal, and the doctor said we could leave as soon as she woke up and was able to walk around a bit.  So, after she was unhooked from everything we started trying to walk again.  She was still so sedated and was favouring her right side...but after a few tries, she was able to walk a short distance.  The nurse brought her some orange juice, and Faith had some, but threw up afterwards.  We were finally allowed to leave by 4:45am.

All the time I sat there, watching her breathe, watching her eye movements, watching the monitor...I couldn't help but thinking about SUDEP.  Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy.  With Faiths sleep issues, and the suggestions from the doctor recently, about getting her to sleep in her own room, really had me thinking this time.  If she were in her own room, would we have gone up in the morning to find her dead?  The seizure took 1 mild sedative and 1 major (injected) sedative.  Would it have stopped for her, on its own?  I know this is not the case, as she is fine now, but what if?

Standing outside the ambulance, we wondered if she was going to be ok.  I wondered if she was going to make it through this one...The constant fear of SUDEP has kind of kicked into gear for me.  I couldn't imagine our lives without her.  All the struggles we go through are minimal, compared to the joy she brings to us all. 

So, while I know that we are not supposed to have fear, I don't know how any parent, can not worry about this possibility.  And no, sleep training is not going to be happening anytime soon.  How could we live knowing that we are unaware of a seizure?

What scares you?

Gotta Get Back In The Game!!

I have totally slacked in my blogging since getting back from vacation.  I have a post that is half done, but I haven't finished it yet.  I have a bunch of reviews and even 2 giveaways to post...

I will try and get on that by tomorrow night!!

I wanted to just give a quick update though, on Faith in particular.  She was scheduled for surgery last week, but we had to postpone it because of Hope coming down with chicken pox.  We didn't feel comfortable having Faith go in, not knowing if she could pass on any of the infection in the recovery room...so that is on hold until June.

AND...because that is on hold, we are going to go ahead and start the process to change her medications.  She has averaged a significant seizure 1-2 times a week in the last few weeks and many (uncountable) absence and focal seizures.  This last seizure was weird...she stood for the whole thing, spun in circles, answered us when we talked to her and then finally held the couch until she was done.  Then she went to sleep.

You know what I think is completely amazing through this all?

Our dog...

Lately, whenever Faith has gone into seizure...even before the seizure starts, the dog has been sitting beside her, or this last time, Lady walked over and stood right beside Faith, almost like she was protecting her from the potential fall.

Dogs are amazing.  Seriously.

Anyhow, I gotta get ready for work, watch for posts this upcoming week, with giveaways and reviews and fun!!  I may even get the Cuba stories down too:-)

Have a great rest of the day...

How Will Church Go Tomorrow?

Cuddling with Keri in church 2 weeks ago, after her seizure...

We are holding our breath again...

Faith has made it a week without any "noticeable" seizures.  She had some odd movements in her sleep the other day, but not sure if it was a seizure or not, just really twitchy.

Over the last 2 weeks Faith has had 2 "known" seizures.  They have been relatively small and fairly short, under 5 minutes. 

They have both happened at church.  Which really sucks. 

The first week it happened was January 9.  She came in and was dancing during the worship service, then all of a sudden lost her balance and nearly fell over.  I caught her and brought her out of the sanctuary right away.  It was just a focal seizure, with facial movements (not sure what that kind is called yet...) and it was about 4 minutes long.  She came out of it and slept for the rest of the service with a friend. 

It threw me off.  I kind of go scattered after any seizure activity, not sure when or if I will ever get to the point where I just carry on like nothing happened.  It messes with my plans, which involve coordinating Sunday school and stuff...which means I have been falling behind in that area. 

She went through the whole following week seizure free.  A nice week, and one we haven't had in a while.

Then came Sunday, church again.  This time Faith made it through the whole worship service and even most of Sunday School.  Towards the end of class we were called out of service.  Faith was in seizure again.  It was a little bigger then the last one, with small twitching, again only lasting about 5 minutes.

I can't figure out what the trigger would be.  Church is such a different environment then anywhere else. 

• Lots of people, crowds, people wanting to hold/love on Faith
• High energy environment, lots of music, dancing, activity
• Open space, lots of room to run around in
• Lots of kids in a mid-sized room, running, loud noises, crying
• Her crying hard, because she doesn't like to go anywhere on her own now

Lots of reasons why it could be happening.  I am glad that my older daughter (Keri) was one of the teachers this past week.  Faith had fallen asleep on her lap and she said she just had this really strong feeling that Faith was going to have a seizure.  She has the same feeling about this stuff that I have.

How we are going to handle it for a little while is by having someone go to Sunday school with Faith.  Just to keep an eye on her, and to notice if a seizure were to start. 

It is hard to figure this stuff out.  It would sometimes be easier to just stay home.  It is scary not knowing where or when a seizure is going to start.  It sucks that Faith has to go through this (again and again).  And it also sucks that I am going to have to train the Sunday School workers to notice a seizure...This wasn't supposed to be part of the plan. 

But, it is our life, and we are documenting everything.  We will do our best to figure it all out.  And we hope to have an uneventful morning at church tomorrow.

I Need an Instruction Manual...

Parenting is hard.  I should know, I have 5 kids...and no, none of them were born with an instruction manual.  You can read as many books as you want to to prepare for that baby.  You can read about all the milestones.  You can talk to other parents to figure out how you should be raising your kids.  In the end, each of those kids is different.  Most of them with not be able to fit into the "professionals" chart.  That is what makes us unique, but that can also put so much pressure on us parents.

We spent another night in the hospital with Faith.  This is becoming such a regular occurence, that the nurses know Faith by name and we joke around with them and the paramedics.  I realized last night, how callous I must sound to people who don't know me.  I can joke with the best of them, and I realized how cynical I have become through this journey...something I will have to keep an eye on.

She had a 4 minute focal seizure last night and it turned into a 16 more minute grand mal seizure.  She had her ativan protocol of .5 at 5 minutes and at 10 minutes.  We called 911 at 15 minutes and her seizure stopped at 20 minutes.  We went to the hospital, because we were worried about a subsequent seizure, like she had on Christmas eve.

Anyhow, this is the moment in my life where I wish we had a manual.  I wish we could just be told "you should do this" or "this is what is happening next"...I want to stop having to make these decisions.  I don't want the responsibility of this childs future on my shoulders.  We are at a crossroads where the decisions we make now are going to impact her for the rest of her life.  The decisions are mostly health related and will end up with potentially horrible effects as she grows into adulthood.  I don't like this responsibility anymore.

You may be worrying now, as you read this...but I can assure you, I am just at one of those places again.  I always get past this stage and all is well after I digest our new circumstances...but right now, I need to vent some of how I am feeling.  And I am not posting everything that goes on here, some things are still private...this is just what I am willing to share:-)

The decisions we are needing to make right now include:

Should we get a portacath so that if and when we go to the hospital (which is becoming greater and more often) the nurses can have a direct line for blood work and hydration.  While she was still sleeping and groggy from the ativan they put a line in her hand.  It took two pokes and me pinning her down, which was hard...or like on Christmas eve when the did the Intraosseous Access through her leg bone.  Having a PAC will allow them to just get right in there, no matter what or how she is feeling.  So, now we are researching this option.  Our questions are:

• What are the risks?
• How does the procedure work?
• How long does it stay in place?
• What are the benefits?
• How did you like it? (if you have experienced one personally/your child)
• Would you use one again?
• Can my child still swim, bathe, participate in physical activity?

The other decision is switching medication.  That would mean weaning off trileptal, going through the unknown for the next 6 weeks...again...not knowing if this next medication works properly or not.  These are the thoughts and questions I am having regarding this decision:

• Do we really want to go through this again? 
• If trileptal isn't working, what should we use instead?
• The doc suggested dilantin, but I don't like the effects of it...
• Do we keep her on trileptal and add another medication?
• Should we look at some kind of diet change? High sodium? Gatorade to assist in potential dehydration?
• What other options does someone with epilepsy/seizure disorder have?
• If you are an adult and have lived with epilepsy since childhood, what would you ahve wanted your parents to do differently?

See...I wish this child came with an instruction manual.  I feel like I am left with these decisions for this little life, and if I screw up her world screws up too...I wish we weren't going through this.  I wish my child didn't have to go through this.  I wish kids, all kids, could just be kids and not be sick or have any illnesses...

In my own perfect world, that is how life would be...

A Christmas Like No Other

This Christmas we were looking forward to a lot of fun stuff.  We get to visit with family and friends, get to see the Christmas display in one of the local parks, go on a chickadee feeding walk and watch the movie Yogi Bear on Christmas day with the whole family.  Yes, we were going to bring Faith for the first time with us to the movie this year.  It was going to be a great Christmas.

Then life happened...I took an overnight shift, which put me home by 9:15 Christmas morning.  We had made arrangements with the kids and knew what the schedule would look like until I got home.  Everyone was excited and we were just starting to wrap our gifts around 9pm. 

          Faith talking to Rudolph on the phone at the local park.        

We had just returned home from the park and the nice, brisk (freezing) walk to see the lights.  We do this every Christmas eve.  This year, Faith was able to actually run around and enjoy looking at, and touching all the lights in the park.  She just had a blast, and it was wonderful to live the excitement of the season through another 3 year old:-)  This is the last time we will see that kind of wonder on one of our 3 year olds faces...

We came home and quickly found Santa on the NORAD Santa Tracker, read Twas The Night Before Christmas and put out the cookies, milk and reindeer food, and stockings for the night.  Then the kids were all shipped to bed.  Faith, of course, did not want to sleep upstairs with the girls, so we let her stay down with us.  She laid down on the chair and fell asleep while watching us wrap the gifts (also a tradition that we really NEED to change!!;-)

We were partway through the wrapping when we noticed that Faith was starting to have a seizure.  It was a small, focal seizure and there is not much we can do about it.  So, we made sure she was safe and we continued to wrap gifts.  I had to leave for my overnight shift around 10:30, so there wasn't much time for me to help. 

Then the seizure started to change.  It had been going on about 8 minutes and was turning into a grand mal, again.  So, we gave the ativan to Faith in hopes that it would stop.  It did.  After about 10 minutes of seizing she started to slow down and stopped for about 3 minutes.  Then it started again.  This time it lasted about 20 minutes and it was all grand mal, her head, arms, legs and face were all moving.  We called 911 around 10 minutes after the second one started and she had just stopped seizing about 1 minute before they arrived.  It was too long.  30 minutes of seizing is too long.  Faith was brought to the hospital and was admitted.  She had another 13 minute seizure at the hospital, and 2.5 mg of Ativan later, wasn't stopping, so they drilled a hold into her femur? bone?  I think it is called intraosseous access, after much googling later:-) 

This is the mark and the hole that the IO Access needle/drill left

Off daddy went to the hospital with Faith, while I coached the older 2 kids in how to get the house ready for the big morning that was coming up.  My amazing, wonderfully compassionate and caring teen and preteen came to the rescue.  They finished all the wrapping, they decorated the house, they made the breakfast and they ate the cookies and drank the milk, and wrote the note from Santa.  And they had a blast doing all that.  They were so proud this morning and had so much fun watching the girls opening gifts from "Santa"...I am still kind of speechless by this.  I have to say it again, my kids are absolutely awesome!!

I got home from work and called the hospital to see what the timeline was going to be for Faith to leave.  They said that she was still nodding off a lot and they wanted to make sure she was up to going home.  My parents had been at the house with the kids until I arrived, they enjoyed opening stockings and a few gifts before I arrived, they had breakfast (that Santa made;-) and they played with their new toys.  When I got there we continued opening up some more gifts, but made sure to save some for when daddy and Faith got home.

I got that phone call and off I went to pick them up.  Faith was in her usual "ativaned" state.  When she has over 1mg, she totally turns back into an infant.  She couldn't hold her body up, she was screaming and was just being mean and inconsolable.  It is never fun to see her like this...but, we brought her home, with 2 bags of gifts from the hospital, and we tried to normalize our Christmas for the other kids.  Faith was so overwhelmed with the activity and business, that she screamed and hit and cried regularly.  Because of the IO access procedure she had done, she could hardly put any weight on that one leg, so she was stumbling all over the room. 

I don't know what is harder, knowing that she had 3 significantly bad seizures, or watching her not able to walk or understand what is going on...

Anyhow, the older kids and daddy went out to the movie.  I stayed home with Faith.  She is finally sleeping, not sure for how long.  But I am going to finish up the supper while there is some peace here.  This is one of those Christmas' that we don't want to remember, but will probably be forever ingrained in us...

Merry Christmas to everyone, thanks for being a part of our lives.  Thanks for the prayers that we know we receive on a regular basis.  Thanks for all the amazing support that we are offered.  We are grateful for these things and they are better then any gift money can buy.  We couldn't get through this life without our friends and family, near and far:-)

Wondering why....

Yeah, this is one of those posts...the one where I verbally spew...and I am really tired, so maybe I should just wait and process things before I post this, but I have a feeling I am going to post it anyways.

I have accepted the fact that I will always and forever be the mom to a child with "special needs".  We have had it easy up until recently.  Why do things have to change?  I don't like these changes.

I am easy going, the glass is always half full, I try to find the silver linings etc...I am just an all around positive person.

Usually.

Today is not a positive day for me.  I feel like I am at the end of my proverbial rope.  And my issues are nothing compared to other peoples lives.  Mine are miniscule in the ocean of trials - but I feel like sometimes the pretending everything is ok is not alright.

Faith has been able to be mostly seizure free.  She does have epilepsy, but it has been controlled wonderfully for the last 2 years.  We decided to do a med change, to see if that would help her development and behavioural issues.  The new medicine is a welcome relief to us. 

Faith's brain "unfroze".  She is responsive.  She can follow 1 step directions well.  She is repeating words.  She is becoming an "aware" child.  Her brain has thawed!! 

We are ecstatic.  The seizures have remained under control, 1 every few weeks since the change.  Minor seizures.

Until now.

She has had 3 seizures in 5 days now.  I haven't been there for 2 of them, but they have not needed her ativan protocol.

Until today.

Just getting in from my night shift training and talking to my mom.  Faith falls asleep on my lap.  I realized that she was soaking me so I went to change her diaper.  She was in a seizure at that point.

So, I laid her on the couch, changed her sopping and dirty diaper and watched her, talked to her, touched her gently so she knew we were there. 

Then her arm started to move.  Just the one.  Then the rest of her body started moving.  This was her first full body seizure.  I was a mess and was glad my mom was there. 

At 4.5 minutes I gave the ativan.  The seizure didn't stop.  She was now drooling, so I turned her so she wouldn't choke.  I hesitated - call 911 or not.  It hasn't been 10 minutes yet, but this wasn't normal for her.

My mom dialled the number then Faith started to come out of the seizure.  She was turning blue and was having trouble breathing.  It was like she forgot what she had to do.  She started to get her colour back, so we told the operator that we were fine and Faith was recovering and we didn't need the ambulance at all.

Faith is sleeping now.  She probably will sleep all day now.  It had to be exhausting for her.

It was exhausting for me.  I feel like I can't handle this anymore.  I wonder why I signed up for this.  I am not losing it...don't worry.  These are just the thoughts I have going through my brain right now.

I also remind myself what a great support system I have.  I remind myself how much of a miracle she is.  I remind myself that it is only a seizure disorder.  It is manageable.  Life goes on.

I hate that my child has to go through this, and along with her the rest of our family and friends.  I hate how everything ripples.  I hate that my other kids all know how to handle seizures.

I need to sleep now...I am fine, just had to get this out.  I am not going crazy.  I don't need an intervention.  I am just having a reality day...I just wasn't prepared for it.

Blah...

How well do you know your kids?

I don't know why I continue to be amazed at how well I can read Faith's behaviour...


She was kind of feeling under the weather this morning...just not herself.  There was no fever, no explanation...other then it was a rough night last night with her sleeping. 

She cried a lot this morning and was just plain cranky...

A friend and I were heading out for the morning and I mentioned that Faith was low key...and the next thing I knew, Faith was walking into a wall...she didn't cry, or really hurt herself...but yeah, she walked INTO a wall...

This was weird, I got closer and looked at her again and realized that she was in a seizure.  It was small, and lasted 8 minutes.  We prayed for her and she had her ativan and all was well...

But I was amazed at how I could read that she was just off today...I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew that something was possibly going to happen.  We have talked with the doctor and neither of us are too concerned yet. 

The seizures are coming, but very sporadically still.  We are not sure what we are looking forward to in the next few weeks, this is week 7 of the med change.  She is no longer on the phenobarb, and now is just on the Trileptal.  We have been preparing ourselves for the upcoming 2 weeks in particular, week 7 and 8 of the weaning process. 

Anyhow, she recovered okay today and we went out to watch Princess play soccer with her school...this is the first game that they won!!  I should have left Faith at home...these are the many faces of Faith at the soccer game...

Continuing Struggles...Faith Update

What a battle we have had with this one!! We continue on with the fight, just different feelings and different trials. We all have them!!

To start, Faith had some seizures today. Not just one, and not just small focal ones either. These were real, they were scary, they were draining to watch...

There is such a fine line...between faith and reality. I have said this before here. I am a real person who still has faith. We were at a bbq at a friends house. A lot of people from church were there enjoying the day and the fellowship. We noticed Faith was having a seizure when she was in the swing. So, I took her out and cuddled her, which is what we usually do. Easy to watch her breathing and make sure she is ok.

She seemed to have come out of the seizure and took a drink of water, holding the cup herself. She was a little out of it, as expected, but seemed ok. We put her back in the swing, and she was swinging away, just gently, and Pete was over there watching her. I was sitting back, but we could tell that she was having another seizure. So he took her out of the swing again.

She sat on his lap and it looked like the same kind of seizure as before, but it was lasting a bit longer. Then her tongue started to twitch, back and forth. This is not typical for her. We had not told the others in the house that Faith was having seizures. We thought it would be basic and she would be done. But then her mouth started to twitch, a friend told the people in the house and they started to pray for Faith.

They came outside and laid hands on her, praying for healing and strength for me and Pete. It felt great having so many people there and caring. I just kept watching her face.

I knew, at one point, that we really needed to get to the hospital. This wasn't her usual kind of seizure and it had now been going on for a while. This is where my struggle really came in...

Do we interrupt people praying, do we call 911, do we continue to pray harder? Do we, do we, do we??? I really struggled. If we phone 911 are we cutting our faith short? If we don't phone 911 and something bad happens, have we let our child down? I really haven't felt that before. I really struggled. I know that I always say...I have faith, and I am also a real person...but I never felt like that before.

Thank goodness a friend was watching me, and I think she knew what I was thinking/feeling...I looked at her and said we need to call 911. She did.

In the end, Faith had 1 focal seizure, 1 grand mal seizure in the yard, and 1 grand mal seizure started in the ambulance. She received an anti convulsant en route to the hospital. It did not have a sedating effect on her, which we had expected...instead, she fought all the nurses and doctors with the needles, the bloodwork, the IV, the monitor leads etc...she kicked me and pinched me, she tried biting the blood pressure cuff off. She also tried biting the IV tubes out of her arms. She was just a fireball. She ended up having a small case of Todds Paralysis. She would smile with only the left side of her mouth. We will see tomorrow how that is and if it has corrected itself.

She finally crashed and hasn't really woken up since.

We have decided that this is not what we want for our family. The uncertainty of where and when, the emotional rollercoasters that everyone ends up on and the ride never stops...

We had her half loaded with phenobarbital and we start her regular doses tomorrow. She is now on medication. I question whether we have made the right choice or not. Are we doing this just because we don't want to deal with the seizures? Are we doing it because it is right for her? Are we being selfish by not standing firm in faith for her healing? Are we letting her down? Are we letting our family down? What kind of an example are we being? I don't know, I am frustrated, I am down, I feel like that heavy iron has landed on me.

The difference is, I know I can get back up and I know that I will get back up...I know that I can trust, I know that we are more then conquerers...we have Jehova Nissi (I do listen in church;-).

Thanks for everyone who talked to and prayed with my kids, who was willing to step in when help was needed, for everyone who prayed for Faith and for me and Pete.

THANK YOU!! You make the difference in our lives!!

My home away from home...that is what it is feeling like...

I know having 5 kids means lots of fun issues arising...such as pennies being eaten, and mom finally having an issue (gall bladder) yesterday it was Faith. I am starting to feel like I may as well move into the hospital...blah...

Faith had another seizure. This time, I was by myself. We'd had a great appointment in the morning, for Occupational and Physio therapies, and they were all pleasantly surprised at her progress, and we came home and had lunch and then headed out to playgroup. This is the playgroup that we love to go to. We had a great time and enjoyed our visit and meeting a new mom and her sons. Then we headed home, like almost every other day and Faith played a bit while I made a phone call.

Faith climbed up in my lap and fell asleep. I knew that she had quite a workout and figured that she would sleep, so it was not unordinary (is that a word?). I was just watching tv and Pooky and Little Missy were both on the couch for time outs (girls and their screams...eek...). Then Faiths right leg started to twitch. At first, I thought she was just sleeping and they were those tired twitches, but it went on and on, at perfectly timed intervals and I looked down at her face to see if she was still sleeping.

I hate this part, her eyes were wide open, but she wasn't awake. Her eyeballs were pulled all the way to the right of her eye and they just stayed there. I tried to wake her up, I rubbed on her chest (we learned that last time) and when she didn't respond I called Pete. I lost it...I never want to go through this stuff alone...not a nice feeling.

He dropped everything at work and headed straight home. I thought that we would just take her in by van and it would be fine. But, she started to choke on her drool and her lips were turning gray. I couldn't handle it anymore and I couldn't get a hold of anyone so I called 911.

Faiths leg had stopped twitching and just before the paramedics got there her right arm started to twitch. That one didn't last as long as the leg.

They were there within 5 minutes and gave her oxygen immediately because her colour was really pale. Pete had finally gotten home and the paramedics were ready to take her to the hospital. They told me to take a few minutes to breathe. I was so shaken up. Her seizure had stopped by this time and she was just sleeping. I hate that they use the word unconscious but it is true. She didn't start screaming until they buckled her into the bed in the ambulance. I came out shortly after and justmped in for my second ambulance ride with Faith.

We were brought immediately to a bed in the er, which we noticed doesn't really happen...so they thought it must have been bad. The seizure had lasted around 20 minutes...which is much longer then the last time.

The dr we had was very nice. She ordered bloodwork and a CT scan. So, we went and tried to do the CT scan without sedation. The first time it didn't work and the technician said that 99% of kids need to be sedated to do it and we were just trying. So, we went back for the bloodwork and tried to put Faith to sleep, but the ER is not the quietest place for a baby to be put to sleep. Finally the technician was heading out at the end of her shift and thought that we could try it again.

Faith was amazing!! She was awake the whole time and just laid there, sucking her arm. We were able to get the pictures and that was a relief. Instead of waiting 2 more months for a test.

The dr came back to see us and said that all her results were normal. There didn't seem to be any sign of a problem and we should see our pediatrician this week to talk about a sleep deprived EEG...that should be fun...NOT!! But also to talk about anti-seizure medication for Faith. I don't know how I feel about that...

It is like we are being mentally and spiritually defeated. If we say yes, are we trusting God? If we say no are we sentencing her to a life full of seizures? This is a hard spot. We will talk with the dr first and then see where we go from there.

I hate this