Monday, April 07, 2008

So called "Nice things to say"

Ok, here is my "thought" post. Read or not...these are just my feelings and you don't have to agree with me.

How far do we go with saying nice things to people when they are going through trials? We really need to stop and think about what we are saying to people.

A baby dies...this is one we heard with Angel "God must have needed another flower in His garden" Tell me, the God who created this earth, and everything in it...has to take a child when He needs another flower? Couldn't he just "plant" another one? He is the master gardener after all...My question with this one is...How could I possibly serve a God and raise my kids knowing that He will take anyone He wants, whenever He wants? Especially when a child hasn't even lived their life...sounds sick to me!!

One we have heard a lot lately...and even from certain leadership (not at our church, however...) "God will only give you what you can handle"...What? So, God made Faith have a lack of oxygen because we could handle the outcome of this? Really, why on earth would I want to serve that kind of a god...who thinks that our family could handle this...we did ok with it, we perservered... but really...again, how horrible does that sound?

Or, another one..."God must have something for you to learn"...I know that through our whole situation with Faith, and even our situation with Angel, we have learned lots...I wouldn't want to change any of those lessons that we have learned...and I wouldn't want to change how much we have grown, but again, why would God harm a child in order to teach us something? Doesn't make any sense to me.

Even the comment "If it is God's will to heal, then you will be healed" says in the Bible that we ARE healed...I don't believe that it is ever Gods will to leave people sick.

How can we tell people how awesome our God is and then turn around and say these things too? Someone who is looking in at our lives would seriously question why we would be ok with this kind of god.

So, what do you say to someone who is going through some kind of trial in their life?

You tell them that it sucks...yup, it is that easy, and you cry with them, and you love them. You be practical in helping them with whatever was needed.

I love our church and the circle of friends that we have. They are real people. They were and still are the ones telling us that it sucks, but they are also the ones who stand by us and even hold me up when I can't see the light anymore.

We can now turn around and show people that Faith is a huge miracle. That through her everyone can see God and what He is capable of. When we tell people that she shouldn't even be here, and that prayer works wonders, it means something.

But, I do believe that we live in a crappy world, bad things happen, and we just have to deal with it. Sometimes we are hit really hard and we need to rely on God for what we believe, and that is how we get through these things. God helps us as we journey along in life and when we hit a trial and we are struggling to see what the end is, as long as we ask, He equips us with whatever we need to get through.

That is the kind of God that I want people to know...


  1. I know what you're saying. Some of the things people say in hopes of soothing our pain aren't really that soothing at all.

    I think the best someone can do is listen.

  2. I learned what to say to someone grieving from my little sister, it was extremely helpful. People meaning to bring comfort can stay the stupidest things! It's out of ignorance more than anything. But there are some... ministers started it... who say unbiblical quotes and express sentiments that are so far from the true character of God that it leaves people's heads spinning.

    It's like many other things in the Bible, when you take it out of context to fit your theology... it gets all messed up.

  3. Here's another one people use and abuse during times of loss, "the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord." This is a true statement in that it was recorded that this is what Job really, historically said, however it is not a statement of truth for us to build a doctrine on.
    Good post.

  4. not just their own theology but what's behind it almost all the time... it is to suit their chosen behaviour... :-)

  5. K, I've been looking everywhere for that exact phrase in the Word, "God only gives you what you can handle".

    I think they're taking it from 1 Corinthians 10:12-13 where it says in the NKJV, "who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able..." The Message puts it this way, "he'll never let you be pushed past your limit" - then it has been twisted up from there.

    Dave thinks he should write a book, "Stupid things Christians say".

    This Scripture - TAKEN IN CONTEXT - is referring to temptation. Since when are the loss of children that? Or sickness? Some translations say "Test or Temptation" but it doesn't mean test, that word shouldn't be used, it's not in the original Greek. It's in actual fact talking specifically about the temptations of IDOLATRY!

    This chapter is teaching us what not to do in life, not to make the same mistakes that the Israelites made.

    It has nothing to do with learning to handle tough times / death / sickness / poverty / prosperity or anywhere else this phrase is casually tossed around. Hogwash I tell ya!


  6. I've hogged your comment wall!! I just posted another group of Scriptures that are often taken out of context... check it out!

  7. Someone should start a book on what not to say and what helps...

  8. I totally agree with you! been there totally! I think I have blogged about it before too!
    my favorite was " oh God was jealous and wanted the baby for Himself"... like how absurd! and I agree what kind of God would do that! certainly not the one that I know and love!

    good post! I think people mean well and they want to help and say things they really don't even believe just cuz they want to try to make you feel better! All through these times though we do get stronger and we do learn a lot but I don't believe for a minute that we "needed" them to happen in order to learn! but that is the great part of God turning what was meant for evil to His glory!! we can learn in the midst of struggling and suffering...that to me is what it is is a choice we have...who are we going to love and serve? sorry blabbering here but a total sensitive one for me too!

  9. I figured we got the "God only gives you what you can handle" all wrong as well. I think it's more like "God gives you the strength to handle all things."
    Wanna hear a stupid comment I got... "Oh, he will always be fun to have around." In my head I went "Huh!... he's our son, not a pet dog!"