Tuesday, December 08, 2009

9 years ago, and a Faith update...

9 years ago, around this time, my hubby and I were on our way home from the hospital, empty handed. Sounds a bit harsh, but it was our reality. Even though 9 years have passed, and we have "moved on", so they say (who is they anyways?), Angels memory will always be with us. She was born still at 32 weeks. Now, instead of making sure we always visit the gravesite (which we haven't been to in a while), we make sure to remember that there is always another little girl, who is a part of our family, that we will meet in heaven one day. We believe that she is there waiting for us, and living a life like no other!!

It was emotional, which is expected. We questioned why something like this would happen to us...aren't we good people? We found that if we continued to dwell on those questions, the ones that will never be answered, we could really hit a downward spiral in our lives. We chose to accept, never forget and always celebrate the little life, that we never met.

Fast forward 7 years. Faith is born. No problems were expected As I have said many times, it hit us and life stood still for a while. We perservered through all the decision making, we fought for her life.

Had we never experienced our losing Angel, I truly believe in my heart that we would never have been strong enough to fight for Faith. Things happen for reasons. They still hurt, we still question, we still long to meet our only dark haired baby girl!! But we choose to live, we choose to celebrate the growth in us.

7 years ago, 5 years ago, 3 years ago I would not have felt this way. I was still struggling. I was emotional each year as Angels birthday approached. We couldn't understand and still wanted to know "why?". Now we can celebrate the ones who are here, we would have never known Cutie Pie, who was born just a year after Angel died. We may not have fought hard enough for Faith. As hard as it is to say, and as hard as it is for others to understand, I am thankful for my past expperiences, no matter how difficult they have been. I would not be the person I am today without those experiences in my life...and I like who I am becoming!!

Ok, now for an update. Faith had an appointment with the pediatric opthamologist at the big hospital, out of town. We were hoping for a surgery date, but for now we are going to try a new prescription of glasses. If the eyes correct with them, then there will not be a need for surgery. If there is no improvement in 2 months, then we will have our surgery scheduled. I am not sure what I am hoping for in the long run, I just want Faith's vision to remain good.

The new year will start all the therapy appointments again. The last time we were at the OT they talked about using a orthotic (assistive device) to go on her hands so that she doesn't curve them under as much. We figure that this is why we are having some fine motor issues and would like to see that fixed. I don't mind making some adjustments as she grows, staying away from a lot of zippers, shoe laces, using pencil grips to help her with writing, but if it could be corrected altogether it would be one less thing for us to worry about!

Today was also her first day of daycare. It is with a friend and she goes to playgroup. It is nice to know that Faith does well outside of the home and our care. I think it will be good to get her out there and interacting with some other kids and be able to watch her in those positions. She did very well today! I am happy. I need to see if I can find some time to do a few more of those activities with her. I just have been so busy with school, work, studying and life in general.

Anyhow, that is about all today. I am going to run and have lunch finally, then study a bit for my test. Only 7 more classes until the holidays!! Then placement!!


  1. You are one strong lady. I think you are incredible.

  2. Leslie is right .... you are one strong lady. Your little "Angel" WILL be there to greet you when it's time for you to make your trip, as will mine.


    I was so happy that Faith let me sit with her at the Christmas party. It's not every day I get to hold a miracle in my arms.