Wednesday, December 08, 2010

The December Blahs...

I love Christmas, I always have...but December is that time when the sun starts to go down, if it shows up, and it can be dark and dreary.  Add to that the birthday of our daughter who was born to Heaven 10 years ago and it can become a real dark time of year.  Angels story is here

You would think that after 10 years it wouldn't hurt so much, and it doesn't hurt AS much as it did in the beginning, but I guess the unknowns of what life would have been like, and how our family would have been so different creep up every year at this time. 

I have noticed that I seem to have a hard time getting into the spirit of the season until after Angels birthday.  The past few years we have missed out on going to celebrate at her cemetery, because I think we are in a different season, but this year I am kinda feeling like we need this.  We need to acknowledge that little life again, with the whole family.  Not just for me, but for all of us and to bring us to that point where we can be thankful for and celebrate all our lives and circumstances.

If I had the opportunity to change our history and to "delete" this experience, I don't think I would.  I think that everything we go through in life, whether good or bad, helps to define who we are as people.  We may not have been able to touch so many lives when Faith was born, if we hadn't learned to mourn Angel. 

We wouldn't have been able to understand and be compassionate towards others going through difficult times, if we hadn't learned to go through the grieving process...

I wouldn't change any of it.  I know, without a doubt, that Angel is in Heaven, celebrating regularly and she has no pain and one day we will be there with her.  It really is comforting to know that. 

So, while it is the happiest time of the year, we still mourn and grieve the life that we never got to know...but we take pleasure in being reminded that this is the season of life and redemption...and that our mourning can become dancing!!

I really want to insert a picture here, but those pictures are still for my personal friends...

I tried to write a poem for this post...but right now I can't get past:

10 years have passed so quickly
Since we held you in our arms
A life so precious, oh so sweet

And I can't really get past that...

I guess that I want to say that the impact of Angel in our life has been mixed...we have felt confusion, love, faith, doubt, anger, support and now strength.  Without Angel a part of our life we would have never been able to handle the fight for Faith.  Without Angel in our life we would have never been able to mourn and comfort someone else going through a tough situation..

Without Angel...

Without Angel...

We would not be who we are today. 

Happy Birthday Angel, you will always be a part of our lives:-)

Visitor From Heaven - Twila Paris
A visitor from Heaven
If only for a while
A gift of love to be returned
We think of you and smile

A visitor from Heaven
Accompanied by grace
Reminding of a better love
And of a better place

With aching hearts and empty arms
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came

A visitor from Heaven
If only for a day
We thank Him for the time He gave
And now it's time to say
We trust you to the Father's love
And to His tender care
Held in the everlasting arms
And we're so glad you're there
We're so glad you're there

With breaking hearts and open hands
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came


  1. Thank you for writing this post. I was very touched.. and reminded of my blessings.

    Sometimes.. we don't want to look back.. and remember..but sometimes that is exactly what we need.

    God has a special purpose for you and your family.

  2. I think your honesty will help others who walk in your shoes. I haven't been where you are, but I just lost my mom in May and I certainly can tell a difference in how I feel about Christmas this year. Loss is hard to explain and I'm sure it hits each of us differently. I think it is truly special that your keep your precious baby a part of your life and that of your family.

  3. aw, thanks for sharing your heart today. I can only imagine how hard this can be. It's different than having lost a tiny person, but my Dad passed away on Christmas Day 11 years ago, so I understand the sense of loss that sometimes goes along with this season. I think you're right to commemorate Angel's birthday as a family. It's an important part of who you are as a family for sure. HUGS my friend!